The Rule Of First: The Unwritten Rule Of Gay Dating

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Let’s admit it, in our constant quest for the right one (or the right one for a hookup) we rely too much on using gay dating apps that are widely available. Some of them include Grindr, Blued, PlanetRomeo, and Hornet–just to name a few. Most of these are free and will not cost you much if you would opt for a premium one. At the end of the day, as long as you brought a hookup to satisfy your needs, these apps already serve its purpose.

While the using these apps leans toward the comfort of looking for a hookup (or if you’re a little bit conservative, OK then, for friends or companion), it also has its own disadvantages. I can actually name a few in my 2 years of using these apps purely for hook up purposes. But let me just focus on one thing that bothers me the most: the lack of knowledge of users about the “rule of first.”

I may be wrong about the rule of first, especially when it comes to its confirmed definition since there’s none that I can see online, but I know that there must be a definition leaning to the correct one.

So how do I define the “rule of first?”

For me, the rule is first states that whoever sends the first message, especially if you do not have a photo, will be the first one to send a photo. The responsibility lies always on whoever does the first move. 

This has always been my definition of the rule of first in my 2 years of using gay dating apps. On Grindr, Blued, Hornet, and PlanetRomeo (with the exception of WeChat and Skout), I have never sent the first message to anyone. It has been my practice for more than 2 years already. And I strictly follow that. It is because

Yet despite my upfront expectations of the said rule, many people are not following it. And this is one of the examples:

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There are several users who have been doing this for the longest time. But it was just today that I have time to blog about it.

So what is your stand when it comes to the rule of first? How do you understand it? Or how can we reconcile to meet halfway? Let’s us know thoughts in the comment section below.

Joemar Belleza
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About Joemar Belleza 358 Articles
Joemar is the Blogger-In-Chief of BaklaPoAko.Com. He is currently a graduate student in University of the Philippines Open University. He also studied at Maquillage Professionnel School of Makeup Artistry and School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA). He is a bold advocate of education, environment and LGBT issues. An earner, dreamer and a lover. Before he was once a dream-sprouting seed. Now he's a tree in his renaissance and will always be evergreen. Hear him speak with his intelligent guide for gay news of the Philippines and worldwide, Bakla Po Ako. Confirmed!. Follow him on Twitter @belleza_joemar. Gay it forward!