I Am Broke And I Am Financially Literate

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I Am Broke And I Am Financially Literate


The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.
– Nathaniel Branden


I don’t know if I am the only one experiencing this but  when I turned 25, it seems that I am having a closed door meeting with my other self about the years that have gone by. I was supposed to look for the help of a psychiatrist because I am very disturbed with what I am thinking  of. I even assumed that perhaps I am already experiencing “emerging adulthood.”


Emerging adulthood is a phase of the life span between adolescence and full-fledged adulthood which encompasses late adolescence and early adulthood, proposed by Jeffrey Arnett in a 2000 article in the American Psychologist. The term describes young adults who do not have children, do not live in their own home, or do not have sufficient income to become fully independent in their early to late 20s. Arnett suggests emerging adulthood is the distinct period between 18 and 25 years of age where adolescents become more independent and explore various life possibilities. Emerging adulthood is a new demographic, is contentiously changing, and some believe that twenty-somethings have always struggled with “identity exploration, instability, self-focus, and feeling in-between”. Arnett called this period “roleless role because emerging adults do a wide variety of activities and not constrained by any sort of “role requirements”.

– Wikipedia

Some of  the things that I discuss with my other self is my career, studies, and finances. Honestly, I am already so burnt out with my career that my once-aggressive-younger years have already died in the pursuit of climbing the corporate ladder. Another thing that I usually discuss with my other self is my graduate studies that I can’t seem to finish. I only finish a semester in my law school but stopped because of the hardships of being a working student. I then transferred to my graduate studies but felt like the return of investment is kind of taking too long for me get. In short I became so impatient and felt that there is a ripe age for those “serious” decisions in life. Then the topic that has been disturbing me for a while is regarding my finances.

In a digital world where social networking is already characterized as scrolling your smartphone and getting the day to day events, achievements, failures, heartaches, selfies and dramas of your friends has been the norm, it is inevitable that you become jealous of what they’ve achieved financially like businesses, cars, and conferment of degrees in MA and even pursuit for other graduate studies like medicine, law and the like. And here I am watching these successes unfold right in front of my eyes when, in fact, I should be on the same position that they are in.

The last resort that I was left with is to turn off my phone and at times cry in despair while my other self is scolding me of the lost time that I’ve wasted. But you know what, such instance in my life gave me a room to breathe a new air of knowing myself more and what life can offer me. It made me realize that despite me eating more than 3 times a day, having the latest smartphone, uploading selfies without relying on a public WiFi because I have several postpaid plans, and sending money to my mom in the province without further ado, I must accept that there are things that I cannot change and there are those that I can do differently. I know I have the money but at times I feel that I do not. What I know is that I am broke because of the decisions that I made for the money that I earn. I should’ve eaten healthy and affordable foods instead of eating out in fast food chains all the time. I should’ve saved money instead of buying a new phone to save my face from the scrutiny of my “sosyalera” friends. I should’ve picked only one postpaid plan that I can use and maximize instead of having more than one just for the sake of ease of uploading my selfies. And I should’ve taught my mom to fish and feed her for a lifetime and not just give her a fish and feed her for a day.

I am aware that I am broke and I accept that I am one. “That’s the truth,” my “other self” told me.

But last Saturday, I attended a seminar entitled 40-day Miracle. And one of the things that struck me the most was when the speaker asked what are the 2 most powerful words in the English language. Honestly, I don’t know the answer. Do you?

The answer is: I AM.


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The speaker said that these words hold power in changing our current state by claiming that we are what we want to be. I know that I am broke and financially illiterate. And what I wanted to be is to become the otherwise. But with the power of these 2 words, I realized that for me to be able to be successful in life I must be 1. aware of my current disposition in life and 2. empower myself that I can still do more things to better myself.

So here are the powerful words that I shower myself now moving forward:

I am abundant with what life offers me.

I am talented and I will use it for my betterment.

I am a committed and purposeful provider to my family.

I am financially, mentally and spiritually fit.

I am a winner.

I am determined to change my life.

I am paid with all my bad debts.

I am a philanthropist.

I am the greatest brother to my sisters.

I am the greatest son to my mom.

I am committed lover.

I am a lifetime LGBT advocate.

I am a law-abiding citizen.

I am changed.

Now, moving forward, I will be able to speak with my “other self” without arousing self-pity from within for days. The awareness that I have leads me to accept things as they are. But things are meant to change later on. And I empower myself to become the better Joemar that I am now in terms of my career, my studies and most importantly in my finances.

I Am Broke And I Am Financially Literate

Joemar Belleza
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About Joemar Belleza 358 Articles
Joemar is the Blogger-In-Chief of BaklaPoAko.Com. He is currently a graduate student in University of the Philippines Open University. He also studied at Maquillage Professionnel School of Makeup Artistry and School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA). He is a bold advocate of education, environment and LGBT issues. An earner, dreamer and a lover. Before he was once a dream-sprouting seed. Now he's a tree in his renaissance and will always be evergreen. Hear him speak with his intelligent guide for gay news of the Philippines and worldwide, Bakla Po Ako. Confirmed!. Follow him on Twitter @belleza_joemar. Gay it forward!