Phases Of Coming Out As Gay

Taking Pride.
Taking Pride.

Phases Of Coming Out As Gay

 

Telling your friends of your parents “bakla po ako” can definitely be one of the scariest things that you can ever do if you are still in the closet. And if you are thinking of coming out already, consider these stages of coming out first so that you can better understand where you are at and if it’s already the time to come out.

 

Are sure with your identity?

When did you feel that you’re gay? Is it during the time in high school when most o f your friends are girls? Or is it during those times that some “tambays” in your neighborhood started calling you names like “bakla” or “bayot?” While others find it easy to answer this question, others might have a hard time doing so. If so, you can actually look for close friends that you can confide to if the need arises. They will surely already have a hint of what you really are, you might not just know.

 

And once you are able to answer this question, then it will lead you to the next stage of coming out.

 

Questioning one's identity.
Questioning one’s identity.

 

 

I accept my identity and I will get to know more about it.

At this stage, you already have answered the question if bakla ka nga ba talaga or hindi. So this stage is the stage where you are able to confirm na yes, indeed bakla po ako. But it doesn’t merit that you already accepted your identity then you must also be proud about it. This is the stage wherein fear will definitely sneak in. You might be scared about what others will think about you or whatnot. But always remember that the truth will set you free but at first it will make you miserable.

 

Along with this stage will be the part that you will be longing for knowledge about who you are and the world that you are actually putting yourself in by coming out. Don’t worry, there are plenty of resources that you can take note 0f in this phase. Besides, baklapoako.com will also be on the lookout for you mga ateng.

 

 

Accepting your identity.
Accepting your identity.

 

 

Seek support

Coming out is just like going into the wilderness at dusk. You aren’t certain what will be in store for you. It will be vague. Thus, you need guidance or support to help you out along the way. Coming out might entail you unburdening with a very close friend that is supportive of you. If not, the best way that you can do is to tell it to someone who is openly gay or lesbian. They will surely be a good resource for emotional support that can later help you out in your coming out stage.

 

Be warned though that you will be getting mixed reactions at first. Maraming masha-shock and meron rin naman na tatanggapin ka ng walang halong keme. So the best move you can do is to play safe. Be very particular with the people you decide to come out to. And most importantly is to find a support system along the way.

 

 

Support system.
Support system.

 

Pride.

You will go through fear, anxiety, sadness and other derogatory feelings before reaching this stage. And once you feel empowered with the choice that you made, then you are now in the Pride stage. The thin line separating the “I accept my identity” part with “Pride stage” lies in you saying on the former “bakla po ako” from the latter saying “Bakla po ako and masaya ako sa pagiging ganito.”

 

There will be a realization that there is nothing wrong to be gay and there is no intervention or rewiring that can help us counter what our heart feels. Duh?! We are already in the 21st century that being gay or homosexual as a whole is not anymore considered a disease.

 

By this time, you will feel comfortable mingling with people who are part of the LGBT community and adapt to their culture.

 

 

Taking Pride.
Taking Pride.

 

 

Forming relationships.

Human as we are, we will be an animal of desires. We will have this sexual instinct that will always be on top of our heads. And once you come out, you might find the desire to form a relationship with the same sex, whether romantic or sexual. And human as we are, we have dominion to tell us the right thing to do. It is not just about sex; it also about the meaningful relationships with others that we can establish.

 

And we will clearly realize that having same sex relationship is as equally worthy like those of heterosexual relationships. We just have to have a good foundation of  the sexual responsibility at hand if we would like to test the waters first.

 

 

Forming relationship.
Forming relationship.

 

Disclosure with family.

If there is one thing so nerve-wracking about coming, then it would probably be you disclosing it with your family. At times, and it is actually proven in Filipino families, that parents feel at a loss with the scenario. We would usually hear the lines “Sayang ka! Sayang ng lahi mo!” Uso rin ang linyang “hindi kita pinalaki na bakla!” Heller??!! As if ginusto namen, diba?!

 

But in this case, we must always consider that we can’t always get the reaction we expect from our parents. Just like our friends, we will get mixed reactions and we must be prepared for it. Thus, emotional preparation is usually a big help for you to come out to your family. There are a number of a self-help books to choose from.

 

Disclosure.
Disclosure.

 

 

Balancing life.

The last part of coming out is focusing in having a balanced life. Buti pa nga ang negro hindi kailangan i-explain sa mga bagong kakilalang tao na negro sila since obvious na. Unlike us gays, we need to continuously inform everybody of what we are. It’s a never-ending cycle of coming out. But it doesn’t need to be an issue once we are able to cope up with these stages of being out and proud.

 

Balancing life.
Balancing life.

Phases Of Coming Out As Gay

Joemar Belleza
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Joemar Belleza

Blogger-In-Chief at Bakla Po Ako, Confirmed!
Joemar is the Blogger-In-Chief of BaklaPoAko.Com. He is currently a graduate student in University of the Philippines Open University. He also studied at Maquillage Professionnel School of Makeup Artistry and School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA). He is a bold advocate of education, environment and LGBT issues. An earner, dreamer and a lover. Before he was once a dream-sprouting seed. Now he's a tree in his renaissance and will always be evergreen. Hear him speak with his intelligent guide for gay news of the Philippines and worldwide, Bakla Po Ako. Confirmed!.Follow him on Twitter @belleza_joemar. Gay it forward!
Joemar Belleza
Follow me

About Joemar Belleza 332 Articles
Joemar is the Blogger-In-Chief of BaklaPoAko.Com. He is currently a graduate student in University of the Philippines Open University. He also studied at Maquillage Professionnel School of Makeup Artistry and School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA). He is a bold advocate of education, environment and LGBT issues. An earner, dreamer and a lover. Before he was once a dream-sprouting seed. Now he's a tree in his renaissance and will always be evergreen. Hear him speak with his intelligent guide for gay news of the Philippines and worldwide, Bakla Po Ako. Confirmed!. Follow him on Twitter @belleza_joemar. Gay it forward!