To paraphrase Tolstoy – happy relationships are all alike, every unhappy relationship is unhappy in its own way. What we can learn from the happy ones is that intimacy is not a thing that has to decrease over time. It is a common human thing for this to happen, of course, but it is usually connected to something else, a larger issue that may arise between you and your partner. Let us take a closer look at some things that might hinder your intimacy in a gay relationship.
What causes a drop in intimacy?
Just like with any human relationships, a loving one can turn sour quickly by the lack of communication. If one of you is unwilling to communicate, or what could be even more common, has problems to communicate their feelings, this will eventually deteriorate any intimacy that you might have shared. Both of you need to sit down and discuss what is causing this. It could be an external thing, the pressure at work or something completely unrelated to your relationship. However, until you have tried to resolve it, it will not go away on its own.
Have a fight once in a while
Not a fist-flying kind of fight, but still a feisty, words-flying one – it is not rare for people to bottle up. Men are especially guilty of this. Regardless of how far you have come on your personal journey, you might still be carrying some of the societal ideas of what being a man entails. Keep it all in, be strong, never cry, that kind of thing. If taught from early days it may very well cause you to be unable to share your feelings as successfully. Once a conflict arises, this may allow you to vent some of those pent-up feelings, which is always a good thing and a way for intimacy to shine through once the spirits have settled down. In the 12 year study, two doctors have observed that gay couples are more upbeat in the face of conflict than their straight counterparts.
If you can find the time, going away from the daily rut really helps in putting things in perspective. Whether it’s just a weekend getaway or a full-fledged vacation, try to find a place that will be about something you both share the love for, perhaps some outdoor activity like hiking. See the sights together, tire those muscles out and, in the evening, when you’re cozying up in front of the fireplace or the TV, you will find that you are able to look at each other with a fresh pair of eyes. Every relationship needs this from time to time.
Bring back the passion
Now that you have been able to get away a little, try to bring some of that feeling of adventure into your daily lives as well. It is too easy to be stuck in a rut as a couple, even though you used to have vibrant social lives. It is never too late to go back and have some of that again. Go out on date nights at least once a week. See old friends more often, people you have hung out with at the start of your relationship perhaps. They will remind of how passionate you have been when you first met. Have movie nights just for the two of you, order wine online in Australia or wherever you find yourself at the time and enjoy that moment to the fullest. That’s what life is about.
Confront Your Fears
While you are enjoying yourself it is easy to forget that you have had problems. The moment you start getting back to your everyday lives, some of the things you have thought were gone will resurface. Let your partner know you are there for them, willing to listen. Don’t force them to share what might be unpleasant memories, but do provide that ever-necessary sympathetic ear. When your partner feels they are ready to share, they will. Sometimes, though, therapy is necessary. Regardless, it is your indication that you are willing to listen and help that will stop intimacy from disappearing again.
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