3 Pitfalls Of Gay Relationship And How To Bridge The Gap
In Beyonce’s “Pretty Hurts” MTV, she was asked, “What is your aspiration in life?’ And with a relieved yet wary expression, she said: “My aspiration in life would be….to be happy.”
But how do we define happiness? Do we derive it from material things? How about fame? Or can we also opt with good health? Why not consider having a healthy relationship?
We have already seen too much drama (successes and failures) of heterosexual relationships. And we often think that such kind of relationship is better than the same sex relationship. But can same-sex relationship be a success too? The answer is a big YES! But we cannot also deny the fact that there are problems that might arise in such kind of relationship. So let’s take a look at the three possible pitfalls on same-sex relationship and its call to action on how we can bridge the gap.
Top and bottom issue.
Gay men are very much acquainted with this. As a sexual being, and men as we are, we always look forward to satisfying our carnal desires. And as gays as well, we have a preference when it comes to sex. Who fucks and who gets fucked. Usually, a top will prefer a bottom or a versa bottom while a bottom guy would prefer a top or versa top. But in the first place, it is not usually the same thing that will happen in a potential relationship. There is a possibility that a top will be with a top and a bottom will be with a bottom. There is even a funny joke in Tagalog which goes “aanhin mo ang condom kung pareho kayo bottom.”
Although at first we are inclined to have set expectations about sexual preference so that if a relationship will work out for you, both of you will no longer have a difficulty of adjusting especially to sexual whims. However, more often than not, we usually look into personality, educational background, family background, financial capacity and even religion. But we don’t end with someone just because he is a great top or he is a power bottom. It’s our heart that dictates and not our dick or our prostate.
Call to action: It might be hard to avoid being attracted to other guys and remember the previous sex buddy that made our eyes roll to satisfaction. But right will always be right. You can compromise to your partner about it and talk it over. After all, it must be the two of you who must provide solutions for each others’ needs. But if choices are so scarce between the two of you, you might want to reconsider a straight guy to spice up your sexual relationship.
The unrealistic expectation by moving in too soon.
Please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to move in together too soon especially for a couple of barely just days or weeks of officially being “lovers.” I always hear other people saying “bakit pa namin papatagalin or kelangan pa namen mag-hintay kung pwede lang naman along the way nakikilala namen ang isa’t isa?.”
Granted that you are given such kind of “privilege” but are you really cultivating an atmosphere of love by staying under one roof too quickly? Relationships are investments and you must have a strong foundation for it to stand the test of time or whatever. And I know that it’s not just about time. There are many things to consider as well. I am not saying that staying too early in one roof will only promote sexual intimacy. Would it? You don’t move in with someone because you enjoyed sex. You move in together because you are ready and you love each other.
I think it’s quite unrealistic to say that you love a person in an instant or be together all the time will give you the opportunity to get to know a person better. Obviously, people must be aware of short and long term goals in their relationship rather than just plunging into the waters. You can have sex with any guy that you like but you cannot just fall into infatuation and satisfaction and fake it with love.
Call to action: Courtship? Ugh! I don’t believe in courtships too. What more in a gay setting. I know that if there is a mutual understanding between two gay men that they love each other and they can work things out then they can really be good partners in the long run. But there must be a thin line that would separate mutual understanding and love. Say, I love my best friend but we don’t necessarily NEED to be under the same roof (although we would LIKE to but it is not necessary). It takes quite some time to plan things out to answer the when, why and what regarding this matter. After all, failing to plan is planning to fail.
Being the “stereotype” of the stereotype.
Unlike heterosexual couples, there is a universal principle that men court women and men work for the family while women stay at home to watch out for their kids. But we are in the 21st century already and everything has changed! But for us gay men, we get into a relationship with some sort of expectation that must be retained all throughout. We don’t look for a partner which we will treat as a princess or the other way around. Kung ganun lang naman pala eh nag-jowa ka na lang ng babae, diba? We came into a relationship thinking that both of you will give and take, swallow and be swallowed, love and be loved.
Sometimes, we gay men fall into the trap of stereotyping what has been already stereotyped. Bakla ka na nga, nag-papakababae ka pa. You wouldn’t want to always be the “man” in the relationship by always paying the expenses when you go out for a date or you end up always washing the dishes like your “ate” or your “nanay”.
Call to action: In a gay relationship, you don’t ask who the fork is or who the spoon is. Both of you must be chopsticks. Better yet, be a spork (combination of spoon and fork). Always remember a simple adage: give and take.
Everybody wants to be happy and everybody wants to be loved. And as gay men, we still don’t have a role model that we can look up to once we are in our own romantic relationship. We can look up to the successes of heterosexual couples and emulate them. But we too have a different road to be taken. Yet, we can always stick with what is right. Be the role model of your own happy relationship.
3 Pitfalls Of Gay Relationship And How To Bridge The Gap
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