10 Things I Have Learned From Being Single For A Year

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10 Things I Have Learned From Being Single For A Year

 

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Last year, I received one of the worst news—by far—that I could ever imagine. My then partner for 5 years finally broke the silence and asked for his freedom. It was one of the worst days of my life.

 

Yes, I WAS this guy. But if there is one thing that I am proud to say about him is that he faced break up without the anger that most people left behind would feel.

 

Related Article: Facing Break Up And Moving On Without Nurturing Hate

 

But as they say, every sunset brings about new beginnings. And that’s what I have faced after an untimely breakup that I always avoided.

 

And now, it has been exactly a year when someone I used to love asked me, “What if I asked for my freedom?” It was a question that never acknowledged an option. It was a statement sugar-coated in euphemistic question that ended everything. Once and for all.

 

Today, I look back and see myself what I have learned from being and staying single—by choice—exactly from a year ago.

 

10. Being single gives you the life you have always known but you set aside because it was not a good choice

Can you remember the time during your college years wherein you would like to spread your wings and test the winds against the will of your parents? An option to say that you are no longer a minor and being independent is something that you must embrace.

 

It is the same way how most of us see being in a relationship and being single. The only difference is it’s the other way around. Sounds confusing, right?

As we grow older, we tend to have the feeling that being with someone makes us complete. It makes us happy. It makes us whole. While I agree on that, but being in long-term relationships and giving myself the time to really heal made me see life in a different perspective.

 

It made me realize that we hungered so much independence all our lives just to be tied up with a person whom we think that can complete us or make us happy. What being and staying single for a year made realize is that, you make yourself complete. You are your own happiness. It must come from within. And not from without.

 

9. A romantic relationship is not only the source of love

Loving someone whom you think you will spend the rest of your life with is very fulfilling. You can do things that you never knew you could. You can make poems that can make Shakespeare a run for his money—to your own respect. You can sacrifice as if you are sent by God to be the savior of the world.

 

There are no regrets in doing that. You know what’s the regret that I saw? It is blinding myself that my partner is the only source of love that I can get from. I forgot that my family and friends are there. That they can hold my hands tighter to where I must be. That they can hug me and make me cry and laugh all at the same time.

 

Now, I make myself as a source of love for those who don’t have any. To give love to that old lady who is alone running her business. To those employees who need kind words to be motivated at work. To that single mom that needed someone who can listen to her worries. Or how about the poor stray animals that you come across with? You can be their source of love. And surely you can find a fountain of love that they can give back to you.

 

8. You don’t cheat when you have no one to cheat on and vice versa

One of the worst things being in a same-sex relationship, especially a gay one, is the possibility of being cheated on. It happens in all relationships. But the possibility of it in a gay relationship is higher. Perhaps because we have nothing to lose compared with our straight counterparts. More so, most of us gay men would prioritize sex first or sexual compatibility before ever getting to know the person if he is compatible for a romantic relationship.

 

But when you’re single, you can mingle with single people out there for fun or just for companionship. You will never hide your guilt of cheating on someone who does not deserve it. I must say, nobody deserves to be cheated on.

 

7. It’s not a silly thing to talk to yourself at nights that you’re alone-mostly

When my sister and I were still young, I caught her talking to herself. And I think that is quite silly. But during nights that I am alone and trying to sleep at night, the only person that I can speak to is the voice from within that I have silenced every time that I have someone beside me. Its sweet voice can be your lullaby to the loneliest of days. As Christina Aguilera beautifully sang it, “You will learn to begin, just trust the voice within.”

 

6. Friends are there for a reason

They aren’t just there to spend happy times with them. They are there because the cycle of life calls forth both happy and sad times. And you must really treasure those who stay in both situations because life is more beautiful with them. And of course, by the time that they are in the position that you have once been in, you are there to give back and pay forward what a true friend really means.

 

5. Being and staying single is one of the most empowering choices I have made as an adult

In an age where most of my batchmates are already getting married and some circle of gay friends are showing how happy they are with their partner, being single is like going against the grain. It’s like being quite ironic that you have been telling your BFF that it is already a mental problem that she stays single. And here I am, swallowing the words that I once said and still enjoying the heck of it.

 

I don’t want to sound prophetic on this one. But yes, I think I will be single for more years to come.

 

4. You give forgiveness not because they deserve it. You do so because you deserve the fruits of forgiveness

Oftentimes, during breakups, it spews some negative emotions that we feel towards our partner. And I think that it’s OK. Well, at first. But in the long run, you, being the person who was left behind or hanging, must still forgive even though your then-partner never asked for forgiveness nor does he deserve it. It actually helps you to heal yourself. So never withhold the forgiveness that you can give them. It’s for your own good.

 

3. It gets better

It’s cliché, I know. But it really does. A year of being single with some flashback of him turn those tears into smiles that he is OK now in a much happier place and arms to give him all he needs and wants. And at the end of the day, you will also see yourself in the same position that you are already rising from the ashes that you once were in. Definitely, the coal turned to an ember and metamorphosed into a great ball of fire.

2. The greatest comeback is silence and success

Hence, I will keep it that way. I will keep my mouth shut. And yes, I am successful right now in so many ways.

1. You turn your scars into stars

I have been telling this all the people whom I spoke with about my continuous healing and the pursuit of personal happiness. And I will never get tired of saying this thing over and over again. You, too, can turn your scars into stars. Take it from someone and those countless people who did the same.

 

10 Things I Have Learned From Being Single For A Year

Joemar Belleza
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Joemar Belleza

Blogger-In-Chief at Bakla Po Ako, Confirmed!
Joemar is the Blogger-In-Chief of BaklaPoAko.Com. He is currently a graduate student in University of the Philippines Open University. He also studied at Maquillage Professionnel School of Makeup Artistry and School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA). He is a bold advocate of education, environment and LGBT issues. An earner, dreamer and a lover. Before he was once a dream-sprouting seed. Now he's a tree in his renaissance and will always be evergreen. Hear him speak with his intelligent guide for gay news of the Philippines and worldwide, Bakla Po Ako. Confirmed!.Follow him on Twitter @belleza_joemar. Gay it forward!
Joemar Belleza
Follow me

About Joemar Belleza 326 Articles
Joemar is the Blogger-In-Chief of BaklaPoAko.Com. He is currently a graduate student in University of the Philippines Open University. He also studied at Maquillage Professionnel School of Makeup Artistry and School of Fashion and the Arts (SoFA). He is a bold advocate of education, environment and LGBT issues. An earner, dreamer and a lover. Before he was once a dream-sprouting seed. Now he's a tree in his renaissance and will always be evergreen. Hear him speak with his intelligent guide for gay news of the Philippines and worldwide, Bakla Po Ako. Confirmed!. Follow him on Twitter @belleza_joemar. Gay it forward!